About 6 months ago we shared our best relationship tips for nomadic couples based on our experience of being nomadic for more than 3 years. One of the first tips we shared was about having ongoing check in. I feel like this is such an important tip that it deserves its own blog post.
In today’s post we are going to talk about our relationship check-ins. We will explain why they are important, what they are about, how long and often we like to have them as well as some tips to make them as fun and efficient as possible. Keep in mind that you can apply it to any kind of relationship, whether you have a 9-5 and most of your time is spent at the office, or like us where we get to spend more of our time together.
Studies have shown that doing regular check-ins in a relationship can contribute to greater relationship satisfaction, enhance intimacy and diffuse the charge around conflicts
Why are ongoing check-ins important in a relationship?
While you might know about a “check-in” from something you do at work with your manager in order to discuss your performance or your upcoming promotion, a check-in can also be applied outside of the office.
In a relationship, there should also be a dedicated time where both people get to discuss what is going on, what is working, what is not working and progress towards common goals.
Check-ins force communication that ultimately creates connection.
We started this routine early on in our nomadic lifestyle but somehow let that practice drift in 2021, which led to some tension towards the second half of 2021. As we kicked off the new year, we decided to prioritize them again and this has definitely helped us get back on track and make sure we were still on the same page of what we want to get out of our relationship and our marriage.
Like with anything, it is important to make these check-ins meaningful and keep them consistent over time.
What is a relationship check-in
The idea is to block a couple of hours during the day away from our regular environment (ideally without access to a phone or a laptop), in a relaxing place to discuss our relationship.
It is a rather short agenda where we take turn to answer the following simple questions:
- What have you appreciated coming from me since the last check-in?
- What have I done since the last time that you want me to do more of?
- What do you want me to do less of?
The idea is how can we best serve the relationship, together?
You could prepare these answers ahead of time, or discuss it on the spot. I like to spend a few minutes the day before to write these down so I get to think openly about what I would like to discuss.
How long and how often do we like to check-in
In terms of time, these can be as short as 15-30 minutes but can sometimes extend up to 2-3 hours. It really depends on how many things you have to discuss.
The less often you are having them, the longer they are going to take. This is why we recommend at least having them once a month. If you have a lot of things to discuss, you can even start by having them once a week and adjust overtime.
Note: If both people in the conversation are on the same page and everything overall is going really well, no need to spend more time than what is necessary. Though make sure to really discuss everything that is important and has been bothering you. Otherwise, they will just be a waste of time and can actually be counterproductive as they might wrongly indicate that everything is going great for both parties when they might not be.
Tips for an efficient relationship check-in
Here are a few tips to make these check-ins as efficient as possible:
- Pick a spot outside of your home to change the environment. Cafes, parks are perfect for such conversation
- Announce the date at least one day in advance so that both partners can agree and make sure they will have time to prepare for it. We like to have a placeholder in our shared Google Calendar so that we know when the next check-in is due
- Spend the day prior to thinking about what you would like to discuss. Having the answer to the questions for the check-in ahead of time makes things easier so you can focus on the conversation rather than figuring out what to talk about.
So this is pretty much everything about our monthly check-ins. Is that something that you’ve been doing with your partner? Maybe this is also something you are doing with your parents and/or some of your best friends? If you do some sort of regular check-ins, are you doing them differently? Is so, how? Please let us know by leaving a comment in the comments section below.
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